(Andy Zapata)
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lot, not a model was moving -- sales were not hot. The keys were all hung in ignitions with care, in hopes that a customer soon would be there. Salespeople were huddled and fighting the dread, as visions of quotas danced in their head.
All of a sudden I saw in a flash, a red-suited guy with a white beard and 'stache. I extended my hand and looked in his eye, and I had no doubt he had come here to buy.
* * *
"Good evening, sir. Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas to you, young man."
"I don't want to be rude, but has anyone ever told you that you look exactly like Santa Claus?"
"Why, yes. I do get that quite a lot."
"If you're interested in this beauty here, I can get you a sweet deal."
"Yes, well, the Mrs. does have a real soft spot for red."
"Will your wife be helping with the decision, or will you be making it?
"Oh, I suspect I'll be making it. I'm in a bit of a hurry tonight."
"Great. Let me ask a couple of questions. Do you have a trade-in?"
"Just an old beater, a real sled, probably not worth much more than a lump of coal."
"OK, then, let's talk about your driving habits. What about the snow; do you do a lot of winter driving?
"Yes."
"So that rules out the convertible."
"Actually, a convertible would be perfect."
"Really? How important is horsepower?"
"Horsepower?"
"Yeah, you know, speed and acceleration."
"Oh, ho, ho, ho, of course. Horsepower. I suppose I had in mind more of what you might call, um, a hybrid. But speed is important."
"OK, then, what about options like heated seats, all-wheel drive and other bells and whistles?"
"Oh my gosh, bells for sure! And if you give me heated seats, I'll give you whatever you want. But I'll pass on the all-wheel drive."
"You got it. Is this an everyday driver, for commuting and such?"
"No, not exactly. More for special occasions."
"I see. So how many miles do you drive, give or take?"
"Well, let's see, I've never really calculated it before ... I'd say at a minimum 25,000, but probably closer to 50,000."
"In a year?"
"No, in a day -- a night, actually."
"Let me get this straight. You want a hybrid convertible in red that's good in the snow but doesn't have all-wheel drive. You want speed and a drive train that can handle 50,000 miles a day. Oh, and your trade-in is a worthless old sled. Am I forgetting anything?"
"The heated seats."
"Oh yeah, and heated seats, too. Anything else?"
"Hmm, let me think ... The trunk needs to hold lots of packages and, like I said before, it has to have a lot of get up and go. She needs to really fly."
"I see. Can I ask you one more question?"
"Of course, young man."
"Do you believe in Santa Claus?"
"Ho, ho, ho, you bet I do! And I remember a time when you did, too."
* * *
And so off I went, as if on a dare, to haggle the numbers in my manager's lair.
For I knew in my heart, there must be a way, to grant him his wish for a new car or sleigh. And wouldn't you know, all ended bright, 'cause I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight: "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
Merry Christmas to my fellow drivers!
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